Every Sunday I send out something to think about, a question to ponder and something to try to make your life a little more pleasant. The idea is to inspire and encourage positive change. Readers share their progress so we can all benefit from the learnings.
THINK
“The love you crave lies within momentary experiences of connection.“
Barbara Fredrickson
Do you see yourself as a hero?
I’ve always been drawn to the word and identity. Not that I see myself as one, but more that I continually aspire to become one. You know… when I’m a grown-up.
A hero is a protector. Their secret weapon isn’t strength but love.
As Haddaway sang “What is love?”, Dr Barbara Fredrickson answered, with her wonderful book ‘Love 2.0’.
She shares a fantastic reframe on how to look at love, which can help you become happier, healthier and wealthier.
Love 1.0
This is the traditional form of love. The love we have for our family, spouse and friends.
The greatest gift we can give to our loved ones is presence.
What prevents us from doing that?
Screens.
When you focus on your phone or the TV you’re effectively communicating that the screen is more important than the person you’re with.
Phones diminish energy, productivity and connections.
Use them to reach out to old friends or put them away in the evening and connect with your family.
Musonius Rufus (Epictetus’s teacher), when asked how best to show up in marriage said, “The Philosopher stives to outcompete their partner in love“.
Are you winning?
But how do you deal with difficult family members, partners or friends who need to change?
Psychotherapist, Phil Stutz, suggests that we shouldn’t worry about what they’re doing. Focus on you. Be the best version of yourself and love them as much as you possibly can.
Love 2.0
Barbara Fredrickson describes this as ‘Micro-Moments of Positivity Resonance’.
We’re presented with tiny moments throughout the day to connect with others. Most of us miss these due to distractions or being stuck in our heads. These simple and even mundane opportunities have a powerful impact on us.
In a nutshell…
Deliberately seek out opportunities to connect to others
What does that look like?
“Are you lost?“, “How’s your day going?“, “Can I help you?“, etc.
Exit the realm of self-absorption and initiate a simple interaction with a stranger for 10-30 seconds.
This brief connection leaves a lasting impact on us and those we interact with.
STOP – Looking at your phone when you’re bored.
START – Creating positive micro-moments with others.
STOP – Criticising and complaining about what isn’t working. (Cowardly)
START – Looking for the positives instead. (Couragoues)
STOP – Comparing yourself to others, it’s a recipe for toxicity and despair.
START – Focusing on you, and celebrate the success of others.
When we connect with others in micro-moments, admire others from afar, stop complaining, criticising and comparing, and start celebrating others, we cultivate a deeper sense of tranquillity.
Love 3.0
Brian Johnson (from ‘Heroic’), expanded on Barabara’s Love 2.0 with Love 3.0.
He suggests that we should offer encouragement, as well as compassion to others.
Compassion = To suffer with
Encouragement = To give courage
One of the greatest gifts you can give to someone is the encouragement to act in the face of a challenge. Don’t just suffer with them, give them the courage to stand up to it.
To give courage to others, we must cultivate it in ourselves first – much like Phil Stutz suggests – Focus on being the best version of YOU before we try changing others.
True philosophers (lovers of wisdom) blunt the forces of life and use it to their advantage. They take any stimulus from the world and turn it into a force for good.
Lead from the front and encourage others to follow.
How Can Love Make You Money?
When I tried Love 2.0 out, I have to say I was pleasantly surprised.
When in a queue, at a service counter or on the phone with customer service, I resisted the urge to reach from my phone and gave it a go.
As an introvert, I generally don’t like to interact with strangers unless I have to. But as soon as I did, I was left with a warm fuzzy feeling inside that lingered throughout the day.
These little connections not only make YOU feel better, but they have an impact on the person you interact with.
If your work or business involves people (99% do), use Love 2.0 and Love 3.0 whenever you can.
Going above and beyond is easy because most people don’t. Interacting positively with a customer or team member will leave a lasting positive impression on them.
When a person likes you, they tend to overlook your mistakes/flaws, are more likely to listen to your suggestions or buy what offer, want you to succeed, etc.
The opposite is also true.
When they dislike you, they tend to look for mistakes and flaws, punish you for having them, discount your suggestions, purposefully not buy from you (even if they want to), want you to fail, etc.
If you can encourage someone to act in the face of a challenge, they will want to reciprocate and provide value to you.
Micro-Moments of Positivity Resonance and Encouragement won’t make you rich overnight, but these small deposits of good will pay you dividends in the future, and provide you with a warm fuzzy feeling in the meantime.
Reflect and share this with someone.
ASK
If you’d like to cultivate more love in your life, consider the following:
“How well are you currently connecting with your partner and family?”
“Where could you demonstrate Micro-Moments of Positivity Resonance?”
“How could you encourage more people to act?”
Write down what comes to mind.
TRY
Try Love 2.0 and Love 3.0 this week.
The next time you’re in a queue, leave your phone in your pocket and connect with the person next to you.
When you speak to someone behind a service counter, ask them how their day’s going so far.
Take a moment to experience how you feel.
The next time a friend or family member asks for help, do what you can to offer encouragement. Be positive and celebrate their wins.
HIT REPLY and let me know how it went. I read and reply to every email.
Remember: Little by little, a little becomes a lot.
SHARE
Comment and share how it went for you.
SHARE your experience of Love 2.0 or 3.0 this week.
Also, feel free to SHARE this on social media or with a friend, and COMMENT to let me know. I’d like to personally thank you for your support.
