The Motivation Trap: Unveiling the Secret Sauce of Success

Every Sunday, I send you something to THINK about, a question to ASK yourself, something to TRY and invite you to SHARE.

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THINK

“Don’t think you can attain total awareness and whole enlightenment without proper discipline and practice. This is egomania. Appropriate rituals channel your emotions and life energy toward the light. Without the discipline to practice them, you will tumble constantly backward into darkness.”
Lao Tzu

Every ounce of me doesn’t want to do it.

I feel an overwhelming reluctance to work.

I’m faced with a blank page of paper, and I need to write.

But I can’t.

I won’t.

This feeling is familiar…

It’s present when I’m about to go to the gym after a long and tiring day, when I need to reply to an important email, and when I’m about to start my weekly review and plan for next week.

Put another way…

Whenever I’m about to start something important, I know I should do.

I won’t ask you if you’ve ever felt like that because I know the answer.

We’ve all felt resistance to doing something important to some degree.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have motivation on tap? A constant flow of inspiration.

In this week’s Newsletter, we’ll explore:

Why You Don’t Need Motivation
What You Need Instead
My Experience With ‘The Lady in the Sauna’
Why You Can’t Control Your Feelings
The KEY to Doing Difficult Things
5 Steps to Overcoming Resistance

Let’s start with…

The Lady in the Sauna & The Twat in the Cold Plunge

After a month of suspected Covid and catching a sickness bug, I felt wiped out recently. So, I treated myself to a Sauna and Cold Plunge sesh to unwind and reset.

I met a lady in the sauna, and as there isn’t much to do in a sauna, we naturally started talking.

After the common small talk openers, we moved on to why we were at the spa.

Once I’d bored her with my recent illness bouts, she explained her situation, and it was clear she needed it more than me.

She was a new parent, and today was the first day she’d stepped away from her child and left her husband in control.

After hearing about the joys and anguish of parenting, we moved on to health, fitness and self-care.

It was a great conversation, but the heat was really getting to me, so I excused myself. It felt like my eyeballs were sweating.

I jumped into the cold plunge.

I normally sit there for 5 minutes, but as I still wasn’t 100%, so I reduced it to 3 minutes.

When I returned to the sauna, we continued our conversation on health, and she commented on me jumping into the cold plunge without hesitation and staying in there for a while.

I replied in my best effort to not sound like a twat, “I usually stay in there for 5 minutes but I’m taking it easy today as I haven’t done this in a while”.

I probably failed.

I followed up by saying, “I’ve also been taking it easy in the gym and counting steps this week.”

Nope. Definitely failed.

She replied with something that triggered the topic for this week’s Newsletter…

“You sound like someone who’s really motivated to do healthy things. I wish I had the motivation to do cold plunges and exercise, but since having a child, I just don’t feel like it.”

You could exchange “healthy things” for any number of alternatives:

Create a budget
To invest
To start a side hustle
Asking someone out
Etc.

My response would still be the same…

I said, “If I only did things based on how I feel, I wouldn’t do anything.”

OK, 100% Twat!

I attempted to reduce my Twat Score (TS) by expanding on my point, “I didn’t feel like jumping in the cold plunge just now or working out this week. In fact, I regularly have to ignore the urge to not do the thing I know I should.”

TS reducing…

“It’s about commitment not feelings.”

Back to 100% TS. 🤦

All TS joking aside, I’ve been listening to the audiobook, ‘A Path Through The Jungle’ by Prof Steve Peters (author of the ‘Chimp Paradox’).

He recently reminded me that “When you decide to do something, remember that it’s commitment, not motivation, that matters.”

Motivation is ruled by emotions, which can be fleeting.

Motivation alone won’t pull you through a task or project because as soon as you ‘don’t feel like it’, you’ll abandon it.

In contrast, commitment is following a plan whether you feel like doing it or not.

Steve says, “What has ‘not feeling like it’ got to do with it? Don’t let your feelings drive your behaviours.”

Welcome aboard the TS train Steve. 🤣

Your behaviours drive your feelings more than the other way around.

But Steve’s not alone. David Reynolds (author of ‘Constructive Living’), backs up his point:

“Our behaviour is controllable in a way that our feelings are not… The more control we develop over our actions, the more chance we have of producing a self we can be proud of.”

Despite my perfect TS score, the lady in the sauna was receptive to my view. She even “committed” to jumping into the cold plunge, irrespective of how she felt.

Shortly after, she did and said it felt great.

You Can’t Control Feelings

There’s a strong counter to this idea, and that’s the inability to control your emotions.

You might not be able to control how you feel, but you can influence it.

David Reynolds created ‘5 Principles of Constructive Living’ to help us work through our emotions, which I’ve found incredibly helpful. Here they are:

Feelings are uncontrollable directly by the will.
Feelings must be recognised and accepted as they are.
Every feeling, however unpleasant, has its uses.
Feelings fade in time unless they are restimulated.
Feelings can be directly influenced by behaviour.

Feelings come and go, just like the wind. You can attempt to fight and resist them, but you can’t control them.

Jealousy, frustration, guilt or fear are signalling something to you.

Don’t ignore it. Tune into it.

What is it trying to tell you? What can you learn? What can you do?

Feelings will fade if you allow them. Don’t restimulate them by telling everyone about your pain. Accept it, learn from it and let it go.

You might not be able to control how your feelings directly, but you CAN influence them with your behaviour.

Commit to taking positive action and follow through. The pursuit of moving towards your potential (not achieving it) creates inner confidence and fulfilment.

You will FEEL wonderful.

Don’t Do Depression

I want to share how powerful this concept is by exploring how behaviours can work against you.

If you want to feel down and depressed, follow David’s recipe:

“Depression can be created by sitting slouched in a chair, shoulders hunched, head hanging down. Repeat these words over and over: ‘There’s nothing anybody can do. No one can help me. I’m helpless. I give up.’ Shake your head, sigh, cry. In general, act depressed and the genuine feeling will follow in time… Feelings follow behaviour.”
David Reynolds

If you’re not feeling great, check in on your physiology.

How are you holding yourself? Are you practising a pessimistic posture?

Quickly turn it around through Positive Physiology:

Stand Tall – Chest high, shoulders back and chin down.
Breathe Deeply – Breathe slowly through your nose to your belly.
Smile – You’re alive!
Move – Walk, stretch, jump, dance or stretch. It doesn’t matter what you do, just move.
Get to Work – You know what needs to be done. Do it, regardless of how you feel.

It’s shocking how quickly you can feel better by adjusting your physiology. Give it a go!

The Key to Doing Difficult Things

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer the negative elements in your life, don’t sit at home and think about it. Go out and get busy!”
Dale Carnegie

I regularly don’t feel like doing certain things.

Every week I face an inner battle with myself when writing these Newsletters:

Why am I spending 2-6 hours writing when I could be working on something else?
Does anyone actually care what I say?
Does anyone actually do anything I suggest?
Shouldn’t I do [INSERT EASIER TASK] instead?

And it doesn’t stop there.

I get the same resistance when writing out the lessons for my upcoming ‘Investing Course’, creating social media content, leading a meeting for one of my businesses or having a difficult conversation with someone.

I know that I need to work through a difficult task if I know that completing it will feel great.

I know that I need to ignore how I feel if I know that I’ll regret not doing it.

The KEY to tackling difficult tasks is starting.

Break the bonds of pre-emptive feelings by doing.

Once the wheels are in motion, the ‘feelings’ fade.

Experience doing.

If you’re stuck on the start line, consider how you’d feel if you completed it.

If you allow your feelings to get the better of you (we all do this at some stage) and you experience regret from inaction, remember that feeling.

You know what giving up feels like. Now you can find out what happens when you don’t.

Here’s how…

5 Steps to Overcoming Resistance

If you sense resistance or negative feelings that are stopping you from moving forward, work through these 5 steps to overcome resistance and keep to your commitments:

Positive Physiology – Stand Tall, Breathe Deeply, Smile and Move.
Ask yourself, what do you want? – What’s the ideal outcome for you?
Create a clear target – Make it tangible. How could you measure it?
Ask yourself, what do you need to do to get there? – Confirm your commitment.
Take the first step and keep your commitment – Keep the promise you made to yourself. Confidence and fulfilment await.

A sad but sobering reality is that you will never be exonerated.

In his book ‘The War of Art’, Steven Pressfield describes “Resistance” as a universal force that opposes creativity, innovation, and any act that moves individuals toward their potential.

“Resistance” is the internal enemy that manifests in various forms such as procrastination, self-doubt, fear, and distractions.

“Hello darkness my old friend…”

Pressfield suggests overcoming Resistance by cultivating discipline, embracing routine, committing to the creative process regardless of feelings, and recognising that Resistance is a natural part of any challenging endeavour.

Show up consistently, face up to fear, and persevere through adversity.

This stuff isn’t easy, but it works.

Try fixing your problems, not your feelings.

You’ll be amazed how good it feels.

Reflect and share this with someone.

ASK

“When do you allow feelings to prevent you taking action?”

“What could you do to keep to your commitments?”

Write down what comes to mind.

TRY

When you next experience Resistance…

Tune into your emotions.

What are your feelings trying to tell you?

What can you learn? What can you do?

Resistance and Negative Emotions are coming. That we know. When they do, try one of the four solutions outlined in this Newsletter:

The 5 Principles of Constructive Living
Embody Positive Physiology
The 5 Steps to Overcoming Resistance
Try fixing your problems, not your feelings

As I mentioned earlier, this stuff isn’t easy, but neither is anything worthwhile in life.

Do your best, with what you have, where you are.

As if you have any questions…

HIT REPLY and ask away. I’ll do my best to help.

I read and reply to every email, and remember, I’m rooting for you!

Remember: Little by little, a little becomes a lot.

Reply to this email and share how it went for you. Let me know if you’d prefer to remain anonymous.