Unshackled

Every Sunday, I send you something to THINK about, a question to ASK yourself, something to TRY and invite you to SHARE.

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THINK

“Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.”

– Suzy Kassem

It’s amazing how many crossovers I’m encountering with Dog Training and Humans.

For instance, I’ve been trying to work on Holly’s recall. This is one of the few commands that is non-negotiable. For her own safety (and the safety/comfort of others), I need Holly to come back to me when I call her name.

There’s a psychological phenomenon I can utilise to achieve this outcome called “Learned Helplessness”.

This is where a dog (or human) learns to feel powerless and stops trying.

Dog Training can appear harsh or even cruel to some, and there are many people out there that cross that line.

Recall training is arguably the only time to use “Learned Helplessness” because it’s for the dog’s safety.

Here’s how it works…

When I call her name, she must come.
If she doesn’t, I approach her calmly, grab her lead/collar and guide her back to where I called her name.
This reinforces her to learn that when I call her name, she must come back to me – whether that’s on her own or guided by me. There is no alternative.
Eventually, Holly stops trying to resist the command and returns to me… every time.

I explained this process to my best mate, who’s a primary school teacher.

He said, “It’s just like teaching kids. They desperately want the freedom to do what they want, and I desperately want to give it to them, but they need to do as they’re told first.”

And borrowing a phase from Jocko Willink, I replied, “Yes, they just need to learn that discipline equals freedom.”

The same applies to you and your finances…

The more discipline and control you have with money, the more freedom you create.

People want choice.

They want to spend money on coffee, subscriptions, nice cars or clothes without worrying about upcoming bills, debt or guilt.

Discipline can provide all of that.

Holly can have ALL THE FREEDOM to roam where she likes WHEN she demonstrates discipline and control.

One of the most effective ways to install discipline into spending is by creating a ‘Guilt-Free Spending’ account. It’s a pivotal part of the “5 Bucket Budgeting System” I use with Coaching Clients and the “Financial Freedom Planner”:

Transfer 5-20% of your post-tax income (based on your goals and circumstances) into a separate current account with a separate debit card.
Spend this money on absolutely ANYTHING you want – No justification required!!!!
Once it’s gone, it’s gone.
You either have to wait until the next payday or bring more money in (to get the 5-20%).
If you want to increase your “Guilt-Free Spending” (EVERYONE does), you need to learn how to earn more money. The more you earn, the more you have to spend guilt-free.
- 10% of £2,000 = £200
- 10% of £4,000 = £400

Shackled

I shared a story about “Learned Helplessness” in a previous Newsletter that’s worth revisiting, as we need to be reminded more than we need to be educated:

Once upon a time, there was a man who stumbled upon a group of majestic elephants. These enormous creatures were being held by nothing more than a small rope tied to a stick. The man was perplexed by the fact that the elephants did not break free from their flimsy restraints. After all, they were capable of breaking away at any time, yet they remained in bondage.

He approached a nearby trainer and asked him why the elephants didn’t attempt to break free. The trainer responded by saying that when the elephants were young and small, they were tied up with the same size rope. At that age, the rope was strong enough to hold them in place. But as they grew bigger and stronger, they were conditioned to believe that they couldn’t break free. They thought the rope was still strong enough to hold them, so they never tried to break away.

The man was astounded by the elephants’ behaviour. They had been taught to believe that they were powerless and unable to escape, even though they were perfectly capable of doing so.

Are You Stuck to a Post?

Most people I encounter hold onto limiting beliefs that prevent them back from achieving their goals.

Self-doubt ruins more lives than just about anything.

People give up on their dreams because they previously “failed”.

But what is failure?

Thomas Edison conducted 1,000 experiments before creating the lightbulb.

Colonel Sanders’s recipe was rejected over 1,000 times before someone finally invested in him.

Most people quit after 3 attempts.

How about you?

Can you add a zero to those 3?
Can you try for 2 years rather than 2 weeks?

Just like the elephants, you have the power to break free from the shackles that bind you.

Failure is not a reason to give up.

It’s part of the learning process, and it presents us with an opportunity to be better.

Yes, you are born with certain characteristics passed down from your parents that can’t be reset.

No amount of discipline and execution can fully displace them, but this doesn’t prevent you from taking a step towards what you want right now.

It’s not easy, but nothing is stopping you from making progress.

Not even a post.

Unshackled

I invite you to take a moment to write out everything you want from life.

Now write down everything you can think of that’s holding you back from achieving that.

Ie. Lack of time, not good with numbers, fear, laziness, insecurity, failing, distractions, self-doubt, etc.

Ask yourself, “Are these excuses real or imagined?”

Could it be that you’re the only one holding yourself back?

Let’s not forget you’re human, and so am I. We all struggle with this stuff from time to time.

But we can all find a way to overcome life’s challenges with the 4 Cardinal Virtues:

Wisdom – Knowing what to do.
Temperance – The discipline to act, whether you feel like it or not. (Ie. Holly’s Recall)
Courage – To act in the presence of fear (not the absence of fear).
Justice – To serve humanity. To love yourself, your family, your neighbour, mankind and any outcome.

And what about the limitations that remain tightly bound to the post – That seems unbreakable…

You adjust and adapt.

Whatever you face or feel today, know that you have the freedom to make your own decisions.

You can learn and grow if you pull away from the post.

You can change.

You can decide NOT to shrink so others won’t feel insecure around you.

You can decide NOT to be distracted by self-imposed limitations.

You always have a choice.

Stand tall, with your chest up and shoulders back.

Take a deep breath through your nose and into your belly, and slowly breathe out.

Step forward with confidence.

Become unshackled and remember…

It’s just a post.

Reflect and share this with someone.

ASK

“Do you long for more freedom in your life? How could you install more discipline and control to obtain that?”

“Have you tried pushing through your perception of failure by adding a zero or a year to your efforts?”

“Are your excuses real or imagined?”

Write down what comes to mind.

TRY

There are 3 things to TRY this week.

TRY 1 to make progress. 💰

TRY 2 to show you mean business. 💰💰

TRY all 3 because… that’s the type of Gal or Guy you are! 💰💰💰

1. What area of your life could you tighten up?

Commit to expressing discipline or control in order to gain more freedom.
HIT REPLY and share your commitment!

2. Are you stuck to a post?

Write down 1-3 things you want achieve.
Now write down everything you can think of that’s holding you back from achieving them.
Are these excuses real or imagined?
Use the 4 Cardinal Virtues – WISDOM, TEMPERANCE, COURAGE and JUSTICE – to overcome life’s challenges.
If you’re still stuck… adjust and adapt.

3. Become Unshackled

Decide NOT to be distracted by self-imposed limitations.
Stand tall, with your chest up and shoulders back.
Take a deep breath through your nose and into your belly, and slowly breathe out.
And step forward with confidence. 💪

HIT REPLY and let me know if you TRY any of these approaches.

I read and reply to every email, and remember, I’m rooting for you!

Remember: Little by little, a little becomes a lot.

Reply to this email and share how it went for you. Let me know if you’d prefer to remain anonymous.