Say “Goodbye” to the Old You

Every Sunday, I send you something to THINK about, a question to ASK yourself, something to TRY and invite you to SHARE.

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THINK

“Your achievement always rises to the level of your self-identity.”

– Robin Sharma

It’s a lovely Wednesday afternoon in July.

I’m sitting in a beautiful building waiting for my Accountability Mastermind members to turn up prior to our monthly session.

And in walks Tom…

I think… “What the f*ck is that on your head?”

I daren’t say it. He might be serious.

“Ummm… something’s different about you and I can’t put my finger on it…” I say sarcastically.

Tom is one of the rare individuals who has less hair than me…

And now, he has a full head of hair and a big smile across his face.

It’s not the type of wig I’m known for wearing. It looks like real hair!

Is this a joke or an insecurity managed? 🤔

So I ask, “Is that a wig or did I step into a time machine?”

He starts laughing.

Tom isn’t someone who concerns himself with appearance. He’s confident and comfortable in his own skin. He’s one of the last people I would expect to be insecure about male pattern baldness.

One of our other members, David, has invested in a company that offers “hair pieces”. Tom was interested in investing in the company, so he “tested” the product.

🤣🤣

Now THAT sounds more like Tom!

He was attempting to explain the process, and I had to apologise…

I couldn’t stop staring at his hair.

It was so weird!

It looked (and felt) real. It totally changed his face. He looked 10 years younger.

So, I asked him, “What does your missus think? Are you keeping it?”

He said he did it as a joke and to test the product, but after a few days of getting used to it, it’s starting to “grow” on him.

After a couple of hours, I could see what he meant.

Tom had changed.

He was a new man.

Self Image = Identity

Another way to describe self-image is “Identity”.

Maxwell Maltz, author of “Psycho-Cybernetics”, was previously a successful plastic surgeon.

He discovered that some people’s lives changed dramatically after surgery, whilst others didn’t change at all.

Maltz put this down to SELF IMAGE.

Not what they could see in the mirror, but the image they had of themselves in their MINDS.

Focus on HOW we see ourselves.

“A human being always acts and feels and performs in accordance with what he imagines to be true about himself and his environment.”

– Maxwell Maltz

Olympic Gold Medalist, mental toughness coach and author of “With Winning in Mind”, Lanny Bassham supports Maltz’s view.

He said, “Changing a self-image that is keeping you from reaching your goals may be the most important skill you ever learn.”

James Clear, author of “Atomic Habits”, agrees.

Clears says, “There are three layers of behavior change: a change in your outcomes, a change in your processes, or a change in your identity… The key to building lasting habits is focusing on creating a new identity first.”

1. OUTCOMES: This level is concerned with changing your results. Most goals are set with this level of change.

EG. Losing weight, publishing a book, winning a championship.

2. PROCESSES: This level is concerned with changing your habits and systems. Most of the habits you build are associated with this level.

EG. Implementing a new routine at the gym, decluttering your desk for better workflow, developing a meditation practice.

3. IDENTITY: The third and deepest layer is concerned with changing your beliefs. Most of the beliefs, assumptions, and biases you hold are associated with this level.

EG. Your opinions, your self-image, and your judgments about yourself and others.

Most of us initiate the process of change by focusing on what we want to achieve. This leads us to creating OUTCOME based habits and goals.

Eg. I will lose 20lbs
Eg. I will earn £10k a month

Clear believes that by switching our focus to IDENTITY (who we wish to become), we’re more likely to stick to our habits and achieve our goals.

Eg. I will become the type of person who’s active every day
Eg. I will become a writer

How To Optimise Your Self-Image?

How’s YOUR self-image?

Is your Identity helping or hindering you?

It might help you in some areas of your life and hold you back in others.

This leads us to an important question.

How do you optimise Self-Image?

Maxwell Maltz offers the following, “Imagine how you would feel if you were already the sort of personality you want to be. If you have been shy and timid, see yourself moving among people with ease and poise – and feeling good because of it. If you have been fearful and ancxious in certain situations – see yourself acting calmly and deliberately, acting with confidence and courage – and feeling expansive and confident because you are.”

Can you smell the waft of “Fake it until you make it” in the air?

Is your spider-sense of scepticism tingling away?

Thankfully, there are scientifically proven ideas around CONSISTENT ACTION that support positive visualisation.

Richard Wiseman is a ‘Professor of the public understanding of psychology’ in the UK and author of multiple best-selling Psychology books.

In his book, “The As If Principle”, Wiseman explores the theory of Victorian Philosopher William James and his theory that BEHAVIOURS drive feelings rather than the other way around.

He says, “The notion of behaviour causing emotion suggests that people should be able to create any feeling they desire simply by acting as if they are experiencing that emotion. Or as [William] James famously put it, ‘If you want a quality, act as if you already have it.’ I refer to this simple but powerful proposition as the ‘As If’ principle.”

Wiseman shares a simple example from William James we can all relate to…

“The sovereign voluntary path to cheerfulness… is to sit up cheerfully, to look round cheerfully, and to act and speak as if cheerfulness were already there… To wrestle with a bad feeling only pins our attention on it, and keeps it still fastened in the mind.’”

TDLR:

How to Create a New You?
- IMAGINE the best version of ourselves.
- ACT like that version all day, every day.

If Wiseman’s take on the hundreds of studies that prove his ‘As If’ approach still evokes your gag reflex (🤢)…

Try James Clear’s medicine…

The Recipe for Sustained Success

In “Atomic Habits”, James Clear shares his ‘Recipe for Sustained Success’, and it’s not as difficult as you think. There are just two steps:

Decide the type of person you want to be.
Prove it to yourself with small wins.

The first step is deciding who you want to be.

This sounds simple in theory, but many people struggle with it. It’s far easier to know what outcome you want – ie. to lose weight or make £10k a month.

Clear suggests starting there and work backwards. Ask yourself, “Who is the type of person that could get the outcome I want?”

The second step is the overlooked, but crucial part…

Consider what small steps you can take every day that will move you closer to that reality.

Let’s run through a couple of examples.

Eg. Want to lose weight?
- IDENTITY: Become the type of person who’s active every day.
- SMALL WIN: Use a Step Counter and count your daily steps. Walk 50 additional steps the following day. Then, 50 steps more the day after that.
- Continue this process until you’re walking 10k steps a day or 15k steps a day.
- The weight loss will follow.
Eg. Want to earn more money?
- IDENTITY: Become the type of person who makes money writing online.
- SMALL WIN: Start a blog or social media account. Write one paragraph every day.
- Within a few days, you’ll have your first post. Within a few weeks, you’ll have your first engagement. Within a few months, you’ll have regular followers.
- Within a year or two, the money will follow.

According to Clear, “When you want to become better at something, proving your identity to yourself is far more important than getting amazing results.”

Music, YouTube and Podcasts might get our juices flowing, but the follow-through is fleeting.

Motivation cannot be relied upon.

Burnout or boredom usually follow.

Instead, you must BECOME the type of person you want to be, and that starts by proving you are the NEW YOU.

Small wins indicate a daily ✅ in the NEW YOU column.

When you collect multiple daily ticks, you start believing in the change.

And before you know it… you are the NEW YOU.

Summary

You WANT to become better in some aspect of your life.

We all do.

Don’t hope that OUTCOME-based goals will change your behaviour.

Relinquish the results and investigate your Identity.

Build IDENTITY-based habits and BECOME the type of person who achieves the things you want in life.

The results will naturally follow.

Reflect and share this with someone.

ASK

“What area of your life do you want to improve?”

“Is your Identity helping or hindering you?”

“What small daily habits could you install that would prove you’re the type of person you want to be?”

Write down what comes to mind.

TRY

Have you achieved everything you want in life?

(I know the answer because mine’s the same!)

Could your Identity be holding you back?

Lanny Bassham believes that “Changing a self-image that is keeping you from reaching your goals may be the most important skill you ever learn.”

It’s time to STOP chasing results and to START proving to yourself that you’re capable of obtaining anything you want in life.

You can’t rely on motivation.

You need to prove it to yourself through small daily wins.

What Identity do you want to embody?

What small daily wins will prove that you belong?

HIT REPLY and share your answers…

The NEW YOU would! 😝

I read and reply to every email, and remember, I’m rooting for you!

Remember: Little by little, a little becomes a lot.

Reply to this email and share how it went for you. Let me know if you’d prefer to remain anonymous.